Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
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I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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