just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
