you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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