Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
