Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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