I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
