i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
