I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
