Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
God, I missed his penis.
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