I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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