We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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