i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
