Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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