every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
