somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
