He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
