people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
