Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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