You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
