So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The ass gains better be worth it
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