No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
