you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
