She said her name was "party"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
