If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
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