Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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