I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
