why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
