omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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