Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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