the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
