my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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