I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
