Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
