just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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