don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
