Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
