Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize