I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
