I hate your face
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
