We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
