I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
