Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
