I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We're too hungover to prance.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
