Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
