i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
