I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
