Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
