The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
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He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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