tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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