At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize