i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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