Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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