Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
