he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
